How to live life like you mean it.

How to live life like you mean it.

Have you ever been punched in the face? Plucked a duck? Wooed a woman in another language? Joined the army? Sailed across the ocean? Stood on principle? Written a poem? Risen to the occasion? Quoted the inimitable Mark Twain?

THE OFFICIAL OLD'S COOL EDUCATION (Handbook, Black Book and Read Book) is our attempt at know-it-all guides to the really important things in life, and each is filled with practical, old-school basics, some hero-worship, and the art of living well. We believe you can't buy character — you need to go out into the world and live an upright life worthy of your own admiration. These how-tos help you do just that, with class and verve and nerve.

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These are the perfect gift for the many manly gentlemen and gentle mentors and family members you've loved and learned from your whole life, and for a limited time –

Buy two sets and get the third set FREE.


Shakespeare, The Hunt Paradox, Alexander the Great, Literature, Navigation, Dollar Questions, soap making, and gold standards and diamonds, mind, and unmined. Here's a taste of the treasures these practical primers have in store:

The Politics of Roadkill

So I go to this very elegant dinner party with some of the more pretentious pretzels in town– my wife’s friends, not mine, of course. But don't think my friends aren't pretentious – they are. The only difference is they're poor and pretentious.

Dinner for 8. Very elegant, quite nicely done. Place cards. Food is exquisite. Capitalism is, no matter what, delicious and just is all I can think of. So we’re all just about to have dessert, or I am anyway – I don’t think any of these humorless anorexics are going to touch anything, when suddenly one of them throws a condescending spitball in my direction, something like: So have you picked up any roadkill lately?

What happens next?


Character references are a joke. Make yours at least funny. 

When writing a "character reference", you've got to realize right off the bat the Board (of anything, anywhere) has waded through more b.s. and lies than everyone else in the history of the universe put together. Are you kidding me? Every single person who's ever come up before them is 100% perfect, Christ-like in his or her compassion, wisdom, generosity, etc. It's nauseating just to think about the extent of the hyperbole.